you ever been in a real fight?

like not an angry little ball of limbs and hair clips on the playground, I'm talking about a real exchange of fire, hit hard enough to still be on your mind next week.

you can always tell who has never been in a fight, they're the ones that are always trying to get there the fastest.

okay, before we get into this it's like sensei said all those years ago: the best weapon in a no-bs street fight is a high quality and comfortable pair of footwear.

just walk away, man.

street fighting is not a sanctioned competition with rules and weight classes and timed rounds and scorecards...say things don't go your way, you trip and the other guy hits you with a chair, maybe has 4 friends hanging around? 

generally, the winner decides when the fight is over, the ref ain't coming to pull him off...any street fight could very well be a fight to the death.

that's right, all combat sports are a little bit fake...ain't never seen a mf drug-tested before a real fight.

so unless you have no other choice in the matter, it is best never to throw a fist in anger...but if you must, throw both. can't beat the ole 1-2: a stiff jab followed up by a good overhand right, step into the strike and swing through the target.

(actually I have super long legs so I like a nice teep to create some distance--nobody's expecting to get Sparta-kicked in their mf chest!--but Combat Sports 102 is outside the scope of this band blog post.)

wait, where was I going with--oh yeah: an iron-headed cage fighter badass I am not.

...but I do know my way around the ring just a little bit, because even knowing how to throw a punch will win you more fights than not.

still say being in a few fistfights hasn't been the worst thing for my overall character development...win or lose, nothing makes a lesson stick like the taste of blood.

sometimes it was my day and everyone clapped, so that was cool. one time I lost, but that guy's dead now and I will not elaborate further.

hell, maybe my medium-high tolerance for discomfort stems from my teenage hobby of getting beat up.

...but like I said, professional assault is a check my ass has never desired to cash. 

still, I have maintained some interest in combat sports over the years...it's just so psychologically interesting, like staring into a funhouse mirror.

like one time a guy--just the broadest, most anthropomorphic fire-hydrant action hero guy you ever did see, name's not important but iykyk--got beat tf up in front of everybody and on TV, lost his heavyweight championship, then the very next day had to wake up early to sign autographs at a nearby chain home improvement store.

approximately zero people showed up to collect an autograph from the just-dethroned octagon champ. there he sat, early morning in a LED-lit warehouse with what had to be a splitting headache, ignored by the general public after basking in the glow of niche celebrity the day before.

the track between forming one's entire adult life and sense of self around always being the baddest man in any room to a sudden public humiliation ritual is one crazy coaster.

not to mention the significant pay cut that comes with not being champion...nobody is in a rush to book the silver medalist from a fistfight.

that specific flavor of failure is not something that I am willing to put in my pantry of possibilities...but it resonates with me, the feeling of putting yourself in public in such an incredibly vulnerable way, the sky-streaking highs when it all goes right and the long nights of rumination when the result is less...um, pleasant. 

you will know you actually took a loss when IT COSTS YOU SOMETHING.

imagining the true weight of discontent available in the creative pursuits--and fighting can be among them, hence "martial arts"--certainly makes it easier when, say, a show gets postponed or tickets don't move as fast as I would prefer.

"hey at least I didn't get punched in the fucking face."

...and hell, say I do get punched in the fucking face, that's nothing I haven't dealt with before!

...like I said, I know my way around the ring just a little bit.

maybe I'm not some world-beating force of nature, but what I am is willing to take one on the chin, tough enough to get off the mat more often than not, and always looking for a way to win.

so maybe I'll just hit you with a chair.

maybe I'll have a few friends at my back.

because who says I have to fight fair if I was never looking for a fight?

who says you have to?

who says we have to?

all power to The People.

--Flor!